Shouldn't I Be Happy??

Have been busy preparing myself for mid-term exam,quizzes and doing the last drawing for measurement..

This coming week will be two exams in a row on the same day,LAW and Financial...oh my,have not prepared myself yet...just finished Professional Practise Quiz today..i should blame myself for not fully prepared for this exam..the questions are in fact quite straight forward...what to do??over liaw..nothing can be done...but there's something which have bugged my mind for the last few days until today,the problem gets serious..too much attention isn't any good things..i just wanna make myself clear here..i am not trying to showoff anything but just to express myself out since i dunno where should i say this...

I felt that the good results i recently have is something like luck and I never thought of it...people tell me i deserve it,maybe yes maybe no..i should be happy getting good results right,but why am i feeling so wrong??those stupid "bitches" look really irritate me...i cant stand it..i cant take it anymore..i feel like surrendering myself....but why am i so weak when it comes to this??i always wish for good results but when i get it,how come i am soo...?why i cant just ignore them and continue to be happy with my results??i guess it's not just because of their look but i kinda feelin guilty because i din pay much effort in the exam but...dunno..very complicated la my feeling!!!oh God,please guide me!!!i really need your help now...fai kept telling me "hey,you should be proud of yourself.you deserve it!!!"..There's lot people who came to me,"Wah,what happened to u??how come suddenly become so smart huh??","yar ching fak feng tu chiang liaw ooo..".. i dunno whether they are joking not,but i just dunno how to say my feeling....why my close frens aren't giving me any opinion and why should u all give so much comment le??can anyone tell me???aarrgghhh...

The other day when getting financial paper back,i felt lucky to have get good grades..some ppl said aiyo we can get better grade if we all copy together..i was like,i felt really guilty for not studying just because doing a stupid assignment and copied..i ADMIT i copy during the exam!!!and i felt guilty especially after seeing someone marks who i think she worked hard but she failed!!!isn't it very SAD??but do all these ppl think that it's unfair for ppl especially those who have worked hard and they dun deserve to be fail???

I dunno,i dunno, i dunno...who can tell me what should i do??Final is coming...and i am not giving myself too much stress..i just wanna do my best and get good results just to make my family happy...they are putting lots of hope on me since i am the one who they claim to be the smartest in the family and i wanna tell them i am doing good in QS..i guss until now they still feel guilty for not sending me to MMU to study law...but one thing i believe,God arrange everything with his own reasons...I still can pursue Law if i want after my degree..which is part of my plan after graduating..that one option...

Enough with my craps...need get back studying!!!